Learning to cope
Grief is never simple to deal with, but Smith said there are some steps to take to help ease the pain.
Any kind of bilateral exercise, like walking, Smith said, will help regulate the brain.
"It stimulates both sides of the brain and it helps the memory get located where it needs to," she said.
When Doug Lyall started talking about pickle ball, his eyes lit up for the first time during an interview last week.
"It's played with a racquet and a whiffle ball. It's a physical activity and its good for me. It allows me to feel better and socially be around other people," he said.
Most importantly, Smith said, those who are grieving need to take care of their health.
"We need to sleep and eat nutritious foods and move our body. We need to be with people who care for us and do productive work, all of which is very challenging. Given the impact of the loss we get more and more disorganized," she said.
It's OK to be tired and have little appetite, Smith said, so long as you don't stop moving around or eating.
Get off the couch, she said, and go for a walk, even if it's just to the mailbox.
Smith also suggested turning off the TV, turn on some music and find someone who will hold your hand.
While television is full of stimuli you can't control, Smith said, music could soothe your soul.
But since grief is unique, there is no perfect treatment.
"There's no template that works for everyone," Doug Lyall said.
"But part of what determines how a person can cope, has to do with how they can look at the world."
Tragedy into action
Mary Lyall said she and her husband do everything in their power to keep the search for Suzanne going.
"Rewards, posters, vigils. We try to keep Suzanne's name out and nothing happens. It's awful to feel this helpless. So, we've tried to latch on to things that we have some control over," she said.
The Lyalls established The Center for Hope, a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing resources to educate, assist and support families and friends coping with the disappearance of a loved one.
In the wake of a tragedy, Amy Malloy, regional director for the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, said getting involved, educating others and meeting people who have had similar experiences can be therapeutic.
"If we think of a lot of things that have happened in the country in terms of policies or legislation, sometimes it's in the aftermath of a tragedy or in grief where people are able to kind of mobilize themselves and do something that helps prevent others from having the same loss," she said.
Through the Center for Hope, the Lyalls were able to push for new legislation in Suzanne's name.
In 2003, President George W. Bush signed Suzanne's Law, which requires police to notify the National Crime Information Center of any missing person younger than 21 and have an Amber Alert dispatched.
Previously, police were only required to report missing children younger than 18.
In 2000, The Suzanne Lyall Campus Safety Security Act, which requires all New York state colleges to develop plans for prompt investigations of missing students and violent offenses committed on campus, passed as a federal law.
If they didn't do everything they could to find Suzanne, Doug Lyall said it would be difficult to live.
In the time between, he said, "We have a relatively, ‘normal' life."
"There's no way our life will ever be the same again, there's no way. Even if Suzy walked through the door tomorrow," he said.
Instead, the Lyalls said they have learned to live with a new meaning or normalcy.
Suzanne would be 32 years old now. Her missing persons case is still open and the Lyalls are still grieving.
"It's like a scab," Mary Lyall said. "It's healed enough just where it's about to fall off, but it's not quite ready. You pick it and it starts to bleed all over again. It's how you go through this kind of life," she said, beginning to cry.
"When you think it's almost gone, it comes back to haunt you again."
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